Sexual fantasies are perfectly natural, a normal part of being a human being, but we often feel uncomfortable talking about them. Whether it’s multi-partner sex, novelty scenarios or receiving a handjob from a pornstar it’s all completely fine and generally a good sign about your body’s sexual functioning.
A survey was done on 4,175 Americans and the seven most popular fantasies came to light, these are:- threesomes, BDSM, novelty/adventure, taboo acts, passion/romance, swinging and homoeroticism i.e. gender-bending.
Indulging in your sexual fantasies can be one of the most exhilarating experiences, some people do so as a regular part of their lives. Psychosexual therapist Clare Faulner says “Normalising sexual fantasies is important, fantasy offers the opportunity to explore sides of ourselves we wouldn’t necessarily explore in normal life.”
Almost always a sexual fantasy is about pushing the boundaries, imagining scenarios that wouldn’t normally arise, sometimes never at all. Ian Kerner, PhD, a sexual health expert and author says “Fantasies are fantasies because they are not reality — they are often taboo or rub up against social barriers”. Laura Berma, PhD, a write and expert on sex explains why some men dream of being dominated, “It can be tiresome to always feel like the pursuer. Feeling pursued can be a very sexy change, and it can also be a huge ego boost,”.
Almost every man’s fantasy will be something that their partner doesn’t normally do, so if there is something his partner doesn’t normally do such as anal, threesomes or oral sex, then it will quite likely become one of his desires.
Why does everyone have different naughty desires? We’re all unique individuals, and our fantasies derive from our first sensual experiences and our sexual history. Though, one thing which doesn’t add up here, is that the top search on Pornhub in 2019 was ‘alien sex’. So unless there have been lots of alien abductions going on, in which sexual activities take place on the craft, then it’s difficult to understand that one.
Of course, the most important thing to keep in mind if you are hoping to make your fantasy become a reality, is the word ‘consent’. Make sure your partner knows all the details before they agree, it’s not good to surprise them with something part way through which they didn’t originally sign up for.
If you find yourself at the stage where a sexual fantasy is taking over your life, it may be time to seek professional help from a psychosexual counsellor. Especially if carrying it out would break on the consent of others, or those who cannot give consent.
